I’ve begun referring to my new situation as “the transition.”
I recently quit my job teaching preschool after 10 years, and while it feels
like I should be in the midst of some sort of crisis, I’m really just trying to
finish something I started years ago. In December I will finally have my master’s
degree in Early Childhood Curriculum and Instruction. Feels a little weird to
have a degree in curriculum and instruction while not planning curriculum or
instructing anything. That’s not really, true, of course – I’m spending part of
the summer co-facilitating a graduate level writing course at UMKC and the
other part of the summer re-writing an anti-bullying curriculum for the KCMO
health department. So why, when people ask me the million dollar question, “What
are you going to do now?” do I freeze up and tell them I don’t know?
Yesterday, while meeting the participants of the Writing
Project’s summer institute that I’m co-facilitating, we went around the table
introducing ourselves and telling the name of our school. When it came to me, I
said, “I’m Kate Willaredt, and I’m unemployed.” I laughed about it and then
quickly said, “wait. that’s not entirely true…” but mostly I just felt
embarrassed. Though I will always consider myself a teacher, does being jobless suddenly devalue or negate that part of me? It feels somehow like it does. The truth is, I don’t really know, of course, what is to come. Who
really does? It feels very self-indulgent and silly to take time to focus on
the remainder of my degree. I’ve gone this far while working full time. But it
has been super, super hard – and not just hard on me. Juggling a home, a family, a full time
job and part time grad work has left me nearly unable to function – and nearly
unable to give any one particular part of that equation very much of me.
I’m hoping that the next few months will lead to some
serious reflection on where I want to go. I know the next adventure of working
with teachers from all over the city will be an amazing place to start. Working with the SI this summer could
not have come at a better time for me, I honestly would feel like it was a bit of
divine intervention – if I believed in that sort of thing. Not having the safety net of a job to
fall back on will not only be refreshing, it will most likely push me more quickly to figure
out what I really want to do with my degree. In my heart and in my head I know exactly
what I want to do, but it requires more time or money than I have as well as
plenty of stars aligning for me. I’m going to keep working on that part. In the
meantime, please don’t ask me what I’m going to do next. I simply don’t know.
And that is wildly scary and exciting all at the same time.
