I’ve been trying to figure out how to put into words
something that has really, truly bothered me this past week. I’ve figured out
that I just can’t do that in any tasteful way. I can’t describe how someone’s
calculated nastiness has scratched something deep inside of me. I will say,
though, that while it did happen, I’m glad it did. I’m glad it did because it
caused me to think deeply about friendship. It caused me to think about how I
treat people. It caused me to consider what it means to be a friend when you’re
nearing 40 years old. It means considering what this season is really about.
What I can say is this – the bigger picture is just that. In
the grand scheme of things, there is so much more than this rather small annoyance
for me. While certain people waste
hours of energy hatching hurtful plans, other friends of mine are considering a
first holiday without a parent. They’re wrestling with how to deal with the
ache of the hole that can’t quite be filled during this time of year. Other
friends are struggling financially, and are trying to weigh buying Christmas
gifts for their children versus paying their electric bill. Families all over
this country are missing loved ones this Christmas. Some families are
experiencing change and loss in other ways. For me, it’s having the mental
capacity to open a Christmas card from my mother she barely even signed and
later hearing from other family members about the lovely notes she’s written
them. I chalk that up to just who she is, but guess what? I’ve had enough
therapy to know that that is the only
place I have in my heart for feeling hurt this holiday season. I will not tolerate
any hurtful treatment from others.
This time of year, we don’t really talk about the birth of
Jesus in this house. What we do talk about is how families make traditions around
Christmastime, and that there is comfort in the sameness of the holidays each
year. Whether that sameness
happens in a church sanctuary or around a game of scrabble depends on the
family. For my own family, the emphasis during this time of year is treating
people kindly. It means talking with my girls about having empathy for others.
For giving what we can when we can. For including those who don’t have a place
to be. That this season can be a time for being hurtful in any way simply confuses and
astounds me. But it’s just another teachable moment for my girls: Be kind. Don’t be an asshole. It’s pretty much
as simple as that.
