It’s okay to be nervous. You wouldn’t have been sprung from this body without inheriting that gene. Go ahead and worry, but please, not so much. I always thought that the one thing I never wanted my children to get from me was the worrying…the constant worrying. And look at what I produced: a five-year-old who carries the weight of this world on her tiny shoulders. It’s enough to make a mother cry, but a mother who has taken you to kindergarten one day and then pulled you out that afternoon to start at another one? Well, my dear…one day I know you will hardly remember this time, but it seems so very important right now. I spend nights fretting about you. You seem to understand so much. You always have. But mostly, I worry that you’ll one day do what I’m doing and have sleepless nights about things that, in the end, are really not that serious. We’re pretty lucky, you and I. We have a lot of nice things and we have great family on all sides who somehow love us unconditionally…but I know sometimes it’s hard to focus on that.
I guess these are just the challenges that moms and dads face: not ever really knowing for certain what the right thing is for their children. I have friends with kids headed to college who say this never really changes. Maybe it’s because I’m hyper-sensitive about mom stuff. Maybe it’s because I see so much of myself in you. Maybe this is just how it is. I’m not sure. I do know this: you are smart and funny and sweet and loving and you have a sense about people that I didn’t have until I was well on my way to adulthood. You will be fine in whatever situation is handed you…I just know it. You are going to be amazing in school. You have the curiosity of your daddy mixed with my need to KNOW everything. You are artistic and you are crafty and you know how to get along in nearly every social situation. You can do this – even if right now you don’t know French and it’s confusing and even I question if it’s the right thing (and yes, one day you’ll see this, but right now I can’t let on that I wonder these things!).
Soon you will be (as a friend told me today) parlaying the Français with no problems. Until then, I’m going to stay up with you at night when you call me in to tell me about your worries. I know how it feels to need someone to do that. I love you so much little Peaches.