Today I asked Lucy to write an introduction to share with the class I’m co-facilitating this summer. Each year we ask the participants to introduce themselves. Each year I struggle with this first assignment, but this year it was particularly hard for me to even start. It’s not like I’m not an open book. I mean, sure, I have things that I keep to myself, but for the most part I’m an oversharer. Yep, that’s a word. Often I will run into people who will say, “your kids are so funny!” or, “I saw you went to X restaurant, how was it?” I don’t often have a filter, and I’m happy to share my opinions on just about everything. Your Crocs are disgusting, by the way.
I think this introduction is overshadowed by my 40th birthday on Thursday. I have started considering myself in terms of that birthday. Who am I at 40? What have I done so far? People who are older than me laugh and tell me it’s not a big deal at all. I would like to say that 40 isn’t a big deal…and in a lot of ways it isn’t. I do think I get smarter every year. I am so glad to not be in my 20s, but 40 just seems so big. I remember my dad turning 40. I was just about Lucy’s age, and someone gave him a tshirt that read, “40 isn’t old…if you’re a tree.” I’ve been thinking about that shirt a lot lately. I think I’ve done pretty well for 40. Sometimes I look around and think about how glad I am to be me. I’ve learned to really like myself over the years. But that took me most of my 40 years, and I’m still working on it every single day.
I get introspective around my birthdays, and this year is no exception. At 36, I wrote about not caring so much anymore about my weight. I wrote about traveling more and starting my masters degree. At 40, I’ve learned that I can carry that extra weight without worrying so much, but that I can also be strong and healthy, and that 4 herniated discs doesn’t mean I can’t also be fit…it just looks different that it did at 20. In the last 4 years, I’ve traveled all over the country, and a lot of that traveling has been solo. In fact, the thing that’s probably changed more than anything over the last 4 years is that I appreciate those moments of alone time more than I ever thought I would. I also care less about what other people think of me. So much less.
What’s next? Maybe that’s the biggest thing about 40. I have always been working toward something bigger, and this year, despite the big birthday, I’m not sure what that next thing is. Maybe this is the year I’ll start writing more for publication and not just for myself. It’s weird to put that on paper, but I read stuff all the time that I think I should have written and I know I can do more. Maybe this is the year I take up yoga and get my spine in order. Perhaps this is the year I get a part time job at that shop I love so much simply because I can. Maybe I look into what it takes to be a sommelier. What? I like wine more than just drinking it…really. I feel like this is going to be an interesting year for me. I don’t know what it will be, but when I go to write my introduction next year, I know somehow it will be different.
Here’s Lucy’s, in case you want to know how my kid would introduce her mama:
“Kate is a 40 year old teacher. She teaches preschool at village church. Kate got her masters Degree in 2013. She is very smart and funny. Kate says no quite a bit, in fact its been a long time since she has said yes. Her least favorite word is moist. I see her writing a lot and she Sighs a lot while she writes even if she is writing something happy. Anyway, your going to really like her.”
I hope she's right.