Zoe is a Quaran-teen

Dear Zoe, 

You are having a birthday during the strangest time in your life thus far. It’s really the strangest time in anyone’s life, to be fair. There’s a pandemic happening in the world. A virus called Covid-19 that is incredibly contagious, and potentially deadly. As of right now (March 29^th) we’ve been stuck at home for almost two weeks, and we have at least another three weeks to go. Maybe more. Life, as we’ve all known it, has come to a complete stand still: no school for you, working at home for me, and so many things you were looking forward to this spring have been cancelled. It is going to be weird to have a birthday during this time. We’ve made plans for your day to be fun despite what’s happening all around us, and you have been amazingly flexible and easy going about it, which isn’t always in your nature – let’s be honest. I’ve joked that your love of video games, drawing, and not wanting to leave the house means that you’ve been in training for your whole life for this quarantine we are under. But honestly, you seem to be the one out of all of us who is rolling with the punches and taking all of this in stride. I’m so thankful for that. 

Zoe, you are not always a kid who rolls with punches. I don’t think it’s any surprise to anyone that I wrote that. You are stubborn and feisty, and you are not down to take anyone’s bullshit. Like, ever. The same qualities that drive me to tears some days are also the qualities in you that I envy. I could be holding a yellow flower, and you will tell me it’s red. You’ll insist I am wrong, roll your eyes, tell me again that I’m wrong, and then go slam a door to prove your point. Each time something like this happens, it leaves me wondering about my perspective. Which isn’t always a bad thing, really. Frustrating, but not a bad thing. When stuff like this happens, it always makes me wonder about who you’ll be in 10 years. I hope this fire within you stays. I hope that you’re able to funnel that into something that you feel passionately about, and that what seems to me sometimes as frustrating stubbornness will help you fight oppression or injustices.

 I often joke that you’re the coolest 13-year-old I know, but it’s true. You have an eclectic taste – in music, clothing and cosplay, and it’s so interesting to watch you love those things and seemingly not care what other people think. You are awesome at doing makeup, transforming yourself into amazing characters. I’m excited to see what you’ll do with that in the future. You are a video game champion, and while some people may scoff at that, I see you learning all kinds of useful skills through those games. You have a keen sense of equity. Sometimes I just mean in this house when you tell me that something you sister gets to do IS NOT FAIR, but I also see it in other parts of your life. You are a noticer. You watch situations at school, and in the media, and you are outraged when people are mistreated. I have never been silent about my thoughts on justice, or injustice – but you have your own thoughts about these things and it makes me incredibly proud to watch you navigate that.

These are weird times, kiddo. It’s hard for me right now to be the grown up in the house, and to have you look to me for answers when I don’t know any more than you do right now. Just yesterday, I read an article in which someone wrote, “We will need to become more like dogs, giddily hopping into the car when we have no idea where it's heading…” and I keep thinking about that, because that is just exactly what we have to do right now. I’m not sure what tomorrow will bring, or even whether you’ll be able to finish the 7^th grade with your friends. I don’t know when Alice Cooper might come back, since his tour that we were so looking forward to was cancelled. I’m not sure if Comic-Con can happen, even in August. Lordy, I hope it can. But I do know that tomorrow you’ll turn 13, and nothing can change that. We’ll celebrate in the ways we can – with our own little quarantined family, and we’ll be thankful for things like FaceTime so that you may see your friends. And you, like the giddy dog, will hop into thirteen and see where it takes you. I love you, sweet Zoe Margaret. I am so proud to be your mama.