because maybe some of you got to go OUT last night

Some thoughts on last night’s televised New Year’s Eve festivities:

·      I’m just going to put this out there – I’m pretty sure that CNN was doing it’s best to out Anderson Cooper. Let’s review: Kathy Griffin gave him EVERY opportunity to admit he loves the boys, commenting on his name, his hair, his outfit – “Andy” had to do everything in his power to keep Griffin or the conversation on track as the night went on, and even then it was sort of like a train wreck you can't look away from. I did love the combination of the two of them, though - she's like a loose screw and he's so darn cute. Then, CNN sent the live feed to Key West where he had to interview a drag queen aptly named Sushi, who kept professing her love for Kathy and Anderson LOUDLY over a microphone she apparently thought was feeding to CNN, but was echoing over a club teeming with pretty boys in their undies – yes, please!

·      Jennifer Lopez and her sparkly catsuit. Need I say more? What the fuck was that unfortunate get up she was sporting?  Was she drunk? I mean, she should have just been nude. It was gross. And did anyone catch her stylist trying to fix that hair of hers? Um. Dude. You’re on TV.

·      Is Ryan Seacrest as big a douche as he seems to be? For real, that dude was such an ass to his co-host/correspondent – the Bachelorette chic.  I don’t watch that show, but if I was her and he’d have brought up the on-air breakup one more time, I sure as shit would have punched him in his neck.

·      I’m also going to say something terrible about Dick Clark.  Er…maybe a few terrible things.  First: every person I talked to today thought he had died earlier this year. So, I guess last night did something to help his reputation? I know he had a stroke. I get it. What I want to know is, who is the jackass on ABC who thinks it’s a great idea to drag him out every year? It was depressing and sad – so, if that was the point? Bravo! Also? He was pretty clear and understandable when the camera was on him, but when they’d cut away to the noisy crowd, Steve and I would just look at each other and shrug. I’m probably going to hell for saying all that, but whatever. I did it so you didn’t have to – you’re welcome.

·      And finally, after we were all assured that Dick Clark is indeed alive, ABC flipped to a pre-recorded NYE celebration with the Black Eyed Peas – and sadly, Fergie was unable to perform, but she got Carrot Top to fill in for her. For real, look:

Happy New Year, kids!