Friday, January 1, 2010

toot sweet!

(because I got a little deep and thoughtful last night... I didn't want you to think I had suddenly grown up or something...happy new year, internets!)   
Teacher asks Little Johnny to use the word 'definitely' in a sentence
Little Johnny replies, "Teacher, do farts have lumps in them?"
The Teacher says, "Of course not Johnny,"
To which Johnny replies, "Then I have definitely shit my pants..."

A guy sits in front of TV all day, farting like there's no tomorrow.
But not just regular farts, I'm talking the kind that would make your dog puke.
The wife, understandably is angry, and says: "one day honey, you are going to fart your guts out."
The next Sunday, as his wife is preparing turkey for Sunday lunch, the husband falls asleep.
The wife spies an opportunity, so she takes the innards of the turkey and places them in the underwear her husband is wearing. She then goes back to cooking the turkey. Later that night, her husband came to the dinner table looking very frightened.
"What happened?" asked his wife.
"Well," the man said, "you were right. I farted my guts out."
"What did you do?" asked his wife.
"Well with the Grace of God and these two fingers I got 'em all back up in there!"

What is Green and Smelly? - The Hulk's farts...

A man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying in bed for a few minutes the man lets rip a fart.
The wife rolls over and growls, "What in God's name was that?"
The husband says, "TOUCHDOWN, I'm ahead, 7 to nothing!!!"
A few minutes later the wife lets out a scorcher.
Husband says, "Crikey, what was that?"
She replies "Touchdown, tie score."
The man lies there for about 10 minutes trying to work one up. He tries so hard he craps in bed.
The wife asks, "Now what in the world was that?"
He replies, "Halftime, switch sides."
 and my personal favorite:
Confucius say, Man who fart in church must sit in his own pew.

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